Dear women at the gym,
There’s only a few things I actually hate about the gym.
– people that smell
– creepers that stare
– seeing myself in the mirror when I’m doing ugly straining faces
– not being able to dance in front of the mirror
– not being able to wink at myself in the mirror
– getting caught winking at myself in the mirror
– when someone is on the machine I want to be on
– terrible music
– enthusiastic class instructors
But most of all, I hate that we don’t talk to each other.
We see each other almost every day. I know your favourite workouts and I know all your outfits.
I noticed that you got new shoes last week and a haircut last month.
I can see you’ve become stronger and more fit and you’re looking extra fly.
Why can’t we just be friends?
In fact, why can’t we just say hi? Or smile? Or even look at each other?
I know us women in the weights area of the gym have to work some level of cool confidence to actually feel comfortable in a place that can often be intimidating with all these smelly and staring men, but isn’t that just another reason for us to stick together?
Can’t we just pretend it’s a night club and we’ve met each other in the toilets and be all like ‘OMG I LOVE YOUR SHOES WHERE ARE THEY FROM?’ and ‘CAN YOU PLEASE TIGHTEN MY BRA STRAP?’ and ‘HONESTLY, YOU LOOK SO GOOD, YOUR BOOBS AND BUTT LOOK INCREDIBLE’ and ‘YOU CAN TOUCH THEM IF YOU WANT’.
OK maybe leave that last part for the clubs.
But you know, sometimes I just really need someone to spot me for bench press or I need to tell someone how stoked I am that I just got a new PB.
I’d also love to know how you do that badass move I always see you doing, and where you found those tights that actually look comfortable.
When I’m looking at you, it’s because I’m curious about what you’re doing or wearing, not because I’m judging you. I’d love to know what you do for a job and what your name is.
What brings you to the gym at the same time as me? What music are you listening to? Are you secretly listening to gangster rap, too? Maybe we have more in common than just lifting weights at the gym.
I’m sick of staring at the floor and avoiding eye contact with other women who are just like me. I see the men talking all the time, like they’ve known each other all along, even though they haven’t. Let’s stop letting them rule the iron gym throne and take over. There’s strength in numbers.
I’ll say hi to you if you say hi to me?
Every woman at the gym