‘Lisa Knight? I have a warrant for your arrest’ is not a phrase I ever thought I’d hear.
I can get a bit cheeky to my mum sometimes, and there was one time that I put spinach on as potatoes at a Woolworths self checkout, but I’m no bad ass fugitive.
Even if I accidentally stabbed my boyfriend to death with a fork at dinner in a rage over him dishing me up too much salad then I’d probably still hand myself in.
So stepping off a plane in my home country New Zealand to be greeted by a policewoman with a stern look and some cuffs was a naughty wee surprise.
A couple of weeks ago I went home to NZ to visit family and go to my friend’s wedding.
I had a great flight. Three seats to myself, leaning up against the window with Vampire Diaries on my Nexus 10. I was basically living the three-hour flight dream.
Flying into Queenstown on a beautiful day was amaaazing. I was excited to be on home land and smiled my way into the terminal.
I handed over my passport with a cheery old ‘tude, then waltzed into the security area excited to see my Mummy who had driven two hours to come pick me up.
Nope, not carrying over $10,000 in cash – LOL. Nope, no fruit or vegies. Nope, I haven’t been trekking in the bushes and playing with wild animals recently. Tick, tickety tick!
I passed my form over, ready to head straight out the door, when the security lady said ‘OK if you can just go down aisle 3’ *fake smile*.
Aisle 3 = BIOSECURITY CLEARANCE
‘Must just be a random check’, I thought to myself.
As I practically skipped down the aisle, completely unaware the entire airport staff were hunting me and watching my every move, a terrifying policewoman stepped in front of me and demanded I follow her.
At first my heart sunk as I thought maybe something had happened to my mum on her drive to the airport.
Police lady kept her hat on. I know if they’re about to tell you bad news they take their hat off. I’ve seen that on telly.
They keep their hat on when you’re a wanted criminal though, oh yes they do.
“Lisa, I have a warrant for your arrest over two unpaid parking fines from 2010.”
I laughed. I laughed right in that police lady’s face.
Turns out the parking tickets were received after I sold my car and moved to Australia so I wasn’t even the bad guy here!
To save myself a lot of trouble I paid $35 to stay outta jail. That’s cheaper than Monopoly!
So hear that everyone? Thinking about visiting New Zealand? Well you damn well better not infringe on our parking rules, cos they take that shit seriously.
I’m heading back to New Zealand this Saturday, here’s hoping they don’t catch me stealing spinach at the supermarket.